I was wondering, do you remember me? Still? It has been six years. More than that.

I am sure you are sitting in heaven, sipping chai and reading Premchand. And I am also sure that you are wearing a gorgeous sari that shows off your awesome figure. Your long, thick, silky hair is combed into the perfect braid and your glasses are sitting on your nose as you read. Nary a care in the world.

But I am not in heaven. Hell, I am sure I won't even get to heaven. That it is the hell for me (now, I don't know if it is burning or freezing in hell, but either option scares me... ) But I wonder if I will get to meet you again. Feel your touch. Smell your motherly smell. I wonder if you will ever cook for me and if we will ever be a family again - you, Papa, Bhai and me. But most of all I wonder, and pray that you will let me put my head in your lap. And mere sir par haath pherogi...  I wonder, but will never find out. I miss you Amma. So much. So so much. So much.