There is this sari of Amma's - a red onion coloured raw silk sari. I always used to tell her that I would use it to make a salwar suit. And her response would vary between sure, go for it or never! I remembered it for no reason today. That simple rough texture of the sari, the colour that made her glow. The way she draped the sari was simple, effortless and full of grace - made her look very royal indeed.

Six years on, I still do not have the courage to wear that sari. Her amazing cotton chicken work saris, her kosas and kantha works. I want to, but just can not. I want to give them away, but cannot. At times, I open your wardrobe and try to smell you through the saris - the dry cleaned and wrapped saris. For many, it sounds like utter nonsense. But I still try. Her purse, with her telephone diary - it makes me cry every time.

Ma, it is not that I don't like wearing your saris as Appa says. It just hurts a lot, still. I am sorry...